Huge grumpy raspberries to my internet connection today for going down all day until just now, preventing me from blogging, and therefore getting into my daily schedule. Spousal Unit, who is marvelously handling all things non-dissertation related these days, has called and complained and they’re coming on Thursday, sometime between 8 a.m. and 9 p.m. Nice. How do regular people (i.e. those not able to sit at home all day while doing a dissertation) get anything repaired?
Ok. So, I am going to blow this deadline. Which is really awful because I told the advisor on Friday that I’d have the chapter to him today. It is still not done, and I am overwhelmed and really unhappy with the thought of writing more of it. My only ray of hope was that he hadn’t responded to the email of shame sent on Friday. Then I checked my email, dammit. So, today I’m going to take the coward’s route and just not reply. I’ll just sit here with my hands over my eyes going “la la la, I can’t see you nice short little email telling me to turn the chapter in to his mailbox.”
I’m in all kind of angst with the rest of this chapter. I can’t seem to make a logical trajectory that doesn’t seem either forced or stupidly obvious. All of the things I say to introduce and discuss the quotations sound repetitive and inane. And, I don’t know which part to talk about, a or b, c or d, and since they’re all really tangled up with each other, it isn’t like there is a logical alphabetical order to put the discussion into.
And, let me tell you, I’m so sick of it and of myself and my own crap about it, I’m starting to get angry. Maybe that will help. Or maybe it will make me feel worse about myself and the fact that I’ve now missed the 58th deadline for chapter 2. Isn’t there a magic dissertation fairy out there somewhere who will just come and wave a wand and make it all better?
I wrote the above 2 hours ago. I just now finished a nice long talk with a good friend who in the course of conversation reminded me of something I had once told her, that Spousal Unit’s Dissertating Cousin had told me: Never Quit on a Hill. It’s a running metaphor (which I don’t do. Running, that is not metaphors. Although I don’t do those very often.) — but I guess when you’re out running you shouldn’t quit on an uphill climb, or it will all be over. The friend had called me for advice and wound up helping to remind me that nobody ever wants to quit on a downhill. It is only on the uphill climb that opting out of the whole thing altogether looks good. I don’t know anybody who has said, you know, I’m flying high and coasting down this hill, I think I’ll quit now. Thanks, dear friend, for this timely reminder at a hard moment for me, but an even harder moment for you.