go ahead and shell out that $36 bucks for the stupid tooth whitener that you’ve been eyeballing on the shelf at the grocery store but have deliberately chosen to not purchase both because it is almost forty bucks for some stupid amped-up toothpaste paint and because you are afraid that if you use it you’ll turn out like those strange alien celebrities whose teeth glow in the dark when….
You’re in the bath with your baby (which is awesome and so sweet. Plus, much easier to wash that squirming little money, too…) and she’s leaning back against your chest, and you’re holding her head and body while she relaxes and floats in the water, and she’s looking up at you with total adoration when suddenly she points her finger into your mouth, touches your teeth and proclaims with great exuberance and pride at having made an Important Discovery:
Uncertain that you have heard this correctly, and only a bit hurt by the kid’s direct honesty, you check to confirm that she’s saying what you think she is.
“Huh, Gadlet. What color are Mama’s teeth?”
Yep. Time to run out and get me some of that stupid day-glow forty dollar tooth crap.
Either that or teach the kid the word “white” pronto.